Beyond the Kama Sutra – 11 Ways to Ignite a Fire in Anyone’s Sex Life

Written by Philip Walter on Feb 18 at 1:10 am in iSPIRITself, itBODYnature, sexuality

Buddha in the bedroom

Everyone who’s been in a relationship knows that sex can be one of the most special things a couple shares, but it can also be a point of frustration and stagnation. Either way, sexuality is an integral part of sharing yourself with an intimate life partner. Love making strips us down, lays bare all our physical imperfections, and brings to light many of our emotional insecurities. If we are able to be honest and open throughout the process (and if our partner can do the same), we come out of the sexual experience more comfortable with ourselves and more able to deal with our natural neurotic axieties.

It is when we become closed off during sex that problems arise. Habits and pathologies from other aspects of our psyche inevitably surface in the bedroom, making it an excellent place to challenge those limiting patterns. I put together the following list of ways to spice up your love life to inspire you to break old habits and discover something new, both in yourself and in your lover.

  1. Take a sexual fast. So many men especially are obsessed with numbers, wanting to have sex 3 times a week or more. A lot of women, whether under pressure from their men or their own libido have a similar obsession. This unfortunately places added pressure on you as a lover to keep a regular schedule. Sexual encounters are much more fun when spontaneous. Furthermore, having sex often drains the sexual energy from your body, making its release less intense. Try going a week or two without it, and you’ll find your orgasm to be greatly enhanced. And don’t forget to tease and encourage your lover during the fast with suggestive remarks and loving cards. This increases anticipation and desire, both of which result in explosive crescendos.
  2. Don’t force it. This is probably the most difficult pill for most people to swallow – myself included – but even if you’ve tried all the hints below, even if you’ve just finished a long version of hint number one, remember that you and your lover are two different people, and on any given night you can be in two different head-spaces. Forcing the issue in times of disconnect only serves to widen the gap between the two of you. Furthermore, staying calm when your feelings are hurt or your expectations aren’t met is likely to make you even more attractive in the eyes of your mate.
  3. Open your eyes. Think about the last time you had sex and ask yourself how much of that time you actually spent looking at your lover. Many of us get far too involved in touching body parts and employing sexual technique rather than actually connecting with our partners. Opening your eyes will encourage togetherness and increase your ability to connect with and respond to your lover’s desires.
  4. Vary your touch. The sensory tools of the body quickly grow used to repetitive stimulus, essentially dulling your sensitivity over time. Utilize different sorts of touch when engaging your partner. The Kama Sutra describes 4 types of embrace, 4 categories of kisses, and 8 different marks that may be left behind after love making. Varying the pressure and style you use to hug, kiss, stroke, scratch, bite, and pinch your partner keeps his or her senses heightened and makes love-making more pleasurable and exciting.
  5. Play some music. Sex is all about rhythm. Responding to your partner in time is the dance of divine love making. Try putting on some sensual jazz music or chill house music the next time you enter your love den and dance the night away.
  6. Light some candles. Making love in the dark has its perks, but nothing beats being able to look into your lover’s eyes as you climax together … and let me tell you, incandescent overhead lighting just ain’t romantic. Candle-light is hands down the best way to add just enough light to see the curves on your partner’s body without spoiling the mood.
  7. Exchange power roles. Sex, whether healthy and erotic or pathological and scary, is often about a power struggle. Don’t be afraid to give up the reins to your partner in bed. Likewise, don’t hesitate to tie your partner’s wrists to the bed posts and take total control for a while. Also try it both ways in a single love-making session to get the full emotional experience of the sexual power struggle.
  8. Make some noise. Everyone needs feedback to know if what they’re doing is working. Moaning and other sounds of pleasure are essential ways to clue your lover in on what types of things really turn you on. Talk to your partner. Tell them how much you love them. Compliment their stunning beauty. And if you’re both into it, try some dirty sex talk – it’s a sure way to raise the temperature in a heartbeat.
  9. Read something sexy to your partner. Our minds are great places to begin foreplay. Buy some sexy literature like this and read a story to your partner before touching him or her in order to heighten the anticipation factor.
  10. Let it go early. This one’s mainly for the guys. If you’re having trouble containing your orgasm, go ahead let it go early, then concentrate on her. If your erection comes back, great. If not, there are plenty of other ways to shower her with love. And for the ladies, make sure your man knows this is okay. Be sure to tell him what ways he can stimulate you without using his penis.
  11. Change your pattern. The way love making becomes boring is by becoming patterned behavior. We humans are great at creating patterned behavior because it seems to be the only way we can fit everything into our day and remain sane, but remember that patterned behavior is the enemy of freedom, flexibility, and creativity. Check into your love life and identify ways in which your love making sessions look exactly the same. Does one or the other of you initiate sex every time? Does sex always involve the same position(s) in the same order? Does a sexual encounter always end with the guy’s ejaculation? Use this inventory to find ways to add variety to your love life and I promise you’ll grow closer to and find more respect and admiration for your lover, and you’ll find an enhanced sense of confidence in yourself as well.

Further recommended reading:

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