The Search: A Fundamental Desire to Be Whole

Written by Philip Walter on Feb 23 at 1:55 am in iSPIRITself, meditation, The Search

This is Part 4 of a 5-part series of articles called The Search. Start from the beginning here.

The Arkansas House of Prayer.

Photo courtesy of the Arkansas House of Prayer.

Okay, so what the heck have I been talking about so far, anyway? About depth and resonance, and about how they work together to create a certain generous understanding, which can open your eyes to the kingdom of heaven, right? And the kingdom of heaven manifests itself in joy, faith, and hope, which together can lead to a peaceful ease that reflects the holiness of each and every moment.

Sounds kind of far out, huh? Like pie in the sky sort of talk, yes? Well, generous understanding opens one up to a renewed spirit, constantly unfolding, vibrant, passionate, and energetic. This fills you with joy, it gives you hope, and faith comes closely behind the deep intimacy involved with living in the light of this generous understanding.

But let’s take a step back at this point and look at generous understanding for what it is. Generous understanding, as mentioned earlier, is the combination, or more accurately, the cooperation of depth and resonance. So it is not only a concept wholly its own, but it is also the relationship between two other parts.

This is the nature of all things in existence. And I am certainly not the first person to observe this. All things that exist, from ideas to the paint on your car, act as entities in and of themselves, while at the same time depend on the interaction of some number of parts. These are called whole/parts or holons. And according to Ken Wilber, “It’s holons all the way up, holons all the way down.”

This is to say that there is no thing anywhere that is not part of another thing. And there is no part that does not maintain its own stable identity. This is the ultimate paradox, fundamental balance between differentiation and integration manifest. It is proof that both agency and communion, light and awareness, are necessary for anything to exist. And it speaks volumes, in my opinion, about the importance of generous understanding.

See, generous understanding seeks to harmonize resonance and depth, communion and agency, yin and yang, differentiation and integration. It calls out for a balance between these fundamental holons, so that the more complex holon we call “you” doesn’t become unstable and fall into fear, frustration, and doubt.

So generous understanding is my way of visualizing and manifesting in my every day life the most fundamental aspect of reality, which is the desire to unite. Marc Gafni points out in The Mystery of Love, “When we yearn to grow, when we are alive with desire, we touch fulfillment. …Yearning is the essential formula of the universe.” And the most fundamental desire in the universe is the desire to be whole. To be healthy. Generous understanding not only seeks out, but adamantly demands a unified, complete understanding of yourself.

So where does this leave God and getting to know your true Self? Well, some might say that in my scenario, God is obviously the end all and be all of holons, the one holon that is not part of any other, and the only holon of which all other holons are a part. This is certainly valid. After all, if there is no other holon with which God interacts to create a larger whole, then God is pure agency, infinite depth. That sounds good to me, but what about communion, what about resonance.

Well, here’s the secret: God is neither pure agency, nor pure communion. He is more subtle than that. He is the bond between the two, the essential formula of the universe, and the most fundamental aspect of reality: the desire to unite. So God, in this vision, is no particular being at all. Rather He is the unifying force that allows all things to be in the first place. This is how He manages to be the Alpha and the Omega. Without Him, without this drive for wholeness, time would not be intertwined with space. Nothing would ever be heard. Nothing would ever be seen. Nothing. No thing.

So the way to the kingdom of heaven, as far as I am concerned, is cultivating and becoming intimate with this desire to be whole, this yearning for balance. And generous understanding calls into account the balance between two of the most fundamental forces: depth and resonance, agency and communion, differentiation and integration. And it has been my experience that when these two forces are active and balanced, everything else seems to come with ease.

So what, then, is your true Self? Well, some have said that your true Self is what lies beyond, or transcends the dual nature of the world. That which cannot be divided. But this misses the point. Both duality and non-duality are realities. They are dichotomous ideas that relate to and support one another.

I would argue that your true Self is not in the world of non-duality any more than it is in the world of duality. Your true Self is that which binds the two together, the web that connects all life, the yearning to fit.

So what I am saying here is a difficult thing to swallow, but if you can get past the language of it and let it sink in, it will likely make sense. If your true Self is the yearning to fit, the desire for union, then your true Self and God are one and the same.

So to truly accept God is to truly accept your Self. And to truly accept your Self, you must understand yourself. You must differentiate and integrate. You must find depth that resonates. And you must long to be whole.

Joy, peace, and faith can’t help but follow.

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